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"Sure it is." Ruthie sat on my lap, legs outside of mine. I placed my hand gently on hers on the mouse. It glided easily."Isn't that much better? You guys go ahead, I'm going to get dessert."Maybe they'd had dinner early. Our hands guided the mouse to open files, move files, launch applications and such. When we got to scrolling with a slider, I explained how you move the mouse up and down until you find what you're looking for. Ruthie moved her body up and back on my lap as we moved the slider."Like this?" she asked.A small, firm teenage butt was massaging my penis. "Yes, that's right."The lights in the room went out. Only the computer monitor illuminated us.Sally walked in carrying a tray full of stuff. One of the bowls had a single lit candle sticking up. My penis was doing the same thing under Ruthie's posterior."Happy birthday to you, Happy birthday to you, Happy birthday dear Ruthie, Happy birthday to you."Ruthie's birthday? Now Sally's intentions were clear, but I was. We did it in bed, and in the shower, I rode him on the couch and at the dining room table. I was not happy with him, and I never forgave him, but this was a more pleasurable alternative to what he had been doing to me before. Then he moved out, a day I knew was coming. I never even found out what sparked his behavior with me, it simply came and went. He moved cross country, something that should’ve made me very happy, knowing that he was unable to force himself on to me anymore, and I was. But after several weeks I found myself very mad at him. Every afternoon I found myself masturbating, thinking of him (and occasionally the men from my past). How could he use me and then just toss me aside? I was disgusted with myself again. After a couple months it got so bad that I invited a delivery driver to come in and fuck me. He was hideous, and I felt horrible, then illicit act gave me some satisfaction, but it wasn’t what I wanted. When Jacob came home to visit I made myself look.
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